Another Relocation, Another Recollection

   I've found that writing on Medium has only depressed me further about writing in general. That website is supposed to be one for writers, yet I find nobody there really genuinely loves writing. There's a lot of sincerity lost once you are eligible for the Partner Program, I've found. Once you are able to profit off of your art, it feels like it stops becoming art.

   I was writing things that I found interesting, while everyone was writing things that others found interesting. This caused them to blow up their followers while I laid stagnant. For someone that has been writing since she was a child, it feels weird to be overlooked by others who knew how to follow a simple formula and nothing more.

   The center of the problem is I believe I'm much too special for my writing. I thought years of experience meant people were supposed to recognize that and pay you with their time adequately; it would only be fair for everything you've sacrificed. But, it was humbling to be put into a competitive atmosphere with others and realize I have no desire to compete at all. 

    I realized I am far too entitled to publish my writings for a global audience. Just because of the years I've bled, I assume I'm supposed to be paid back for it. The sick reality is nobody cares about your pain except you. The length of time I've struggled to get these writings out are essentially erased when I publish it and pretend like it didn't take years to squeeze those words out. I am expected to erase who I was and seem stable. But, I am not stable in the slightest, I hate pattern and routine and I hate even more disingenuous writings that people think they are supposed to write. I'm scared I will become like that, that I will see writings as a chore and an obligation. I can't see it as something to appease people with instead of something to crawl underneath people's skin with.

    If I wrote the way famous writers wrote on Medium, I would lose who I am. And I can't write the way that I write, because it doesn't attract viewership. I can't clickbait, I can't manipulate people for views, mostly because I have no desire to. I want to own my readers honestly and genuinely. I have no desire in squishing my writings down from 15 minute reads to 3 minute reads to accommodate for our decreased attention span. I don't want to dumb down my writings like I've seen so many writers lose. 

    I don't want to sacrifice any sentences and I don't want to be someone that I'm not. I refuse to play by the game that Medium was set up upon, one that is based on competition, insecurity and greed. I refuse to agree that writing should be about anything monetary and unique pieces should be discarded just because they aren't immediately interesting.

    I want my writings to burn, not set a calm warming fire underneath you. I want it to be fire right on your ass, so direct you have to stand up and take action. I don't want it to be something easily shoved under the rug and walked over. I want it to trip you and wake you up from your in-between trance between sleep and awareness. I will never write for the sake of writing. I write for the sake of myself.

    Because of this, I am transferring to Blogspot. I am going to write album reviews, book reviews, trip reports, poems, journal entries and just musings about my life. I also want to do a "Sex and the City" type weekly column, about college and life. I need somewhere to bleed out onto that won't suck me dry anymore than I already am.